The second the accounting professor let us out on Wednesday afternoon I marched straight into the administration office: “I would like to switch out of my program please.” I had literally been in HMP for three days and I was 100% certain that I had picked the wrong program. I had a sneaking suspicion since applying, but I was in denial, my idealism had gotten the best of me.
I wanted to believe that I would battle through economics and accounting and that I would dominate in the best management and policy program in the country. I hoped that I would then become a famous politician and fix the healthcare crisis in the United States. Yeah right. I very quickly figured out that I didn’t want to learn about structures and systems of healthcare, I didn’t care too much about the rules and regulations that would limit my abilities, all I wanted to was help individuals and groups of disenfranchised people. I decided that I would let others make the rules, others run the hospitals, others make decisions. All I want to do is to help those subgroups of people who need help to navigate through the barriers and limitations.
Once I realized that HMP was filled with incredibly intelligent, competitive individuals who’s interests were in running hospitals and insurance companies, who wanted to be advisors to politicians and physicians, I had to bail. Let them look at the big picture, I will not. Maybe that will make me less lucrative, less successful, less wealthy in the end- but I don’t mind.
This semester I was finally able to take mostly HBHE classes. I will be learning about racial disparities and injustices and will get the tools to stage interventions and design programs at a community level. This is what graduate school was supposed to be like: doing my homework and truly enjoying it, reading articles and actually seeing myself doing the things that I am reading about.